If you didn’t read the last post about the guest that attended a wedding and got called out by the Bride for giving a so-called “bad gift,” you might want to do that here before I go into a tangent.
I had my say on the situation in the previous blog post, and also chatted about it with many friends and family – my opinion stayed the same…until now. The other day I read another article that displayed the text and email conversations between the guest and the Bride and to say I was disgusted is an understatement.
This situation was and is nothing more than a glorified cat fight.
Both parties are at fault. Both are trying to school the other on how to behave, react and treat others. I’m a big believer of “treat others the way you want to be treated”, as well as “what we don’t know won’t hurt us.”
Neither the guest or the Bride treated one another with respect, and at times I felt the conversations between the two aired on the side of bullying. To tell someone that they were the talk of your wedding and should be embarrassed that they were talked about and laughed at is a) not nice to tell someone, and b) not nice to do. Why on earth would you be so immature at your own wedding and so disrespectful to another is beyond me. It was a wedding and not a high school prom, right?
The fact that both of them took jabs at one another was hard to read. Weddings are to be a joyous occasion and bring people together, not tear them apart. Clearly, these girls shouldn’t be friends, and that is how I would have handled the entire situation. If I was the guest and got that initial text, I would have thanked her for her opinion and then cut her out of my life. No one needs to be judged or made to feel bad for a decision they made with good intentions. But on the other hand, no one likes to be schooled about how to behave after the behavior has been executed, and both the guest and the Bride did that. Keep your comments to yourself, be gracious and be thankful. If you want to make fun of the gift choice to your new husband or wife, do that behind closed doors. Have a chuckle and leave it at that.
If you get scolded by a bride or groom for your gift choice, then make note of the type of personality trait they are showing (selfish, ungrateful, etc) and consider a friendship lost – don’t go telling all of your friends and the local newspaper of their lack of tact because it just shows that you don’t have much either.
So folks, at the end of this rant, I’d like to say tisk tisk to both the guest and the Bride. I’m tired of hearing about it, and reading about it, aren’t you? Let’s just drop this topic and call it what it is….a cat fight.
A girl and her partner attended an acquaintance’s wedding and gifted the Brides with a basket of goodies including premium salsa, chips, marshmallow fluff spread and other sweet treats. She took the time to shop for these treats, and signed the card with, “Life is delicious – Enjoy!” Not your standard wedding gift, but a kind gesture none the less to wish the newlyweds well.
After the wedding, one of the Brides texted the girl with this;“I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.”
You know what I have to say to that? Tisk, tisk.
Firstly, shame on the Bride for sending a text like that, and shame on her for not thinking the girls gift was up to par. I would have retorted to that text with a simple “Just an envelope, eh? I think my gift was better than a paper letter holder.” But, that’s just me.
When you get married, do not expect guests to even give you a gift. Getting a gift should not be an expectation. If you are only getting married and having a wedding to reap a whack load of money and or gadgets for your home – don’t have a wedding. I’m a firm believer that your wedding shouldn’t put your guests in the poor house. There are showers, Stag & Does, Bachelorette parties and then the wedding…that is enough to put anyone into overdraft.
Also, expecting your guests to know the cost per plate is ridiculous. Guests should give what they can afford, not what they ‘think’ each plate is worth. Every wedding is different, and there is no way of telling how much or how little the couple spent hosting their wedding.
In my opinion, I think giving a gift that you chose as a personalized gift (i.e: not a cheque and not something from the registry) is a nice gesture. I’m a fan of personalized gifts. In fact, I have given personalized gifts in the past to friends, and they have been thankful for them. Once, I gave a friend a limited edition print that had a beautiful winter scene and had a Bernese mountain dog in it, which is the breed she owns. I also had it personally signed by the artist. Had she had balked at that gift, I think it would have put our friendship in perspective. Real friends don’t judge you on your choices, especially when it comes to gifts. Tisk Tisk. Which brings me to another point, why did this Bride invite the girl who is stated as being an “acquaintance“? You are to invite your closest family and friends to your wedding to celebrate in your joy, not everyone that you know or have talked to a handful of times. That is greedy. My rule of thumb for inviting guests; if you haven’t had a sit down meal with them in the past calendar year, they shouldn’t make the cut.
I could go on about how this Bride was out of line sending that text and having that reaction to the gift, but I won’t. What I will say again is, if you are having a wedding to make money, don’t have one. Do you have a dinner party at your home so you can stock up on bottles of wine and or flowers? No. Do you have a birthday or Anniversary party so you can get gifts? No. You should gather with your friends because you want to celebrate with them, and spend time with them – not to get anything else in return.
So, tisk tisk to the Bride. And I say Bravo to the girl for giving a gift that she felt was suited for the couple. Bad gift? Nope. Bad Bride? Heck yes.
To read this entire story, check it out here on thespec.com