No one likes hearing the words, “we gotta talk…” Usually those words are interpreted as trouble – but let me tell you, if you don’t have this talk, you may very well have trouble – in your marriage.
Weddings are fantastic – they are fun, full of love and laughter and are really truly just one big party to proclaim your love and adoration for one another. What comes after the wedding is a marriage – and that is meant to last the rest of your life. So even though you are doing so much planning for your wedding, be sure to slot in some time to plan for your marriage as well.
I came across this article the other day on the Canadian Living website – “10 things to talk about before you get married” and think that all couples should have this chat prior to tying the knot.
Here are the 10 things that they say you should talk about:
1) Decision making.
What is important to you both and what is your communication style. It needs to work for both of you – and a little compromise goes a long way.
2) Chore & task sharing.
Responsibilities. Do you take care of the bill payments, but he does all the yard work? Do you do the laundry and he takes out the trash? Having a game plan for your life tasks and duties will help keep the arguments at bay.
To have or not to have, that is the question.
4) Religion & values.
Do you share the same values, goals and beliefs? This question will also impact #3.
You can pick your friends but not your family. However, you’ve picked your partner, so remember that when it comes to family politics and dramatics. Chat about how much time you plan to spend with each others family, especially for holidays, birthdays and whatnot.
Are you both established in your careers, or will you want a change in the future? Do one of you have to travel a lot for work? Will you relocate?
You’ve gotta talk about your wants and desires in this category too. Life brings on different situations and stress levels, so you’ve got to let your partner know that intimacy is important to you no matter what. Also, I’d use this time to inform them of your thoughts on open-relationships and affairs if you haven’t already done so.
Money can cause a lot of issues for couples – especially when one makes more than the other. As a married couple, you need to decide if you will have a joint bank account, or keep your assets separate. How will you save for the future, and how do you plan on spending your earnings together? Trips, kids, etc.
9) Time together and apart.
You still need to have your girls nights and ‘me time’ even though you are going to be a Mrs.
Be sure to talk to your man about what both of your expectations about free time are. A lot of time this is where resentment starts – when you feel alone in your relationship because your partner doesn’t spend their free time with you. We want to avoid this, have the talk.
10) Drugs, alcohol and gambling.
How do you both feel about these? Can you partake but in a healthy manner? Are there issues with one of these already present in your relationship?
So, have the talk with your partner. I suggest not to have it all at once, unless you have a few hours to invest in it. But, discussing your views on these 10 things will prepare you for your life ahead with this person. It will also act like a refresher for those of you that have been together for a long time and might have talked about some of these things earlier on in your relationship. Maybe your views have changed, and that’s okay. People change and grow as they go through life – it’s just that with a marriage, you are to change and grow together.
*the list was comprised from the article featured on Canadian Living, however the comments below each headline are my own opinions.
I’ve seen it a few times – guests RSVP to the wedding and then are no shows. This is not only poor etiquette, but it adds extra stress for the Bride & Groom.
When you are invited to a wedding and you RSVP “yes”, be sure to show up. Unless an emergency arises (family death, illness or severe weather) you should honour your word and attend.
What happens when guests are a no show? Well, firstly food and money go to waste. 99% of weddings, the couple have to pay upfront for meals ordered – this includes quantity of appetizers and plate settings. Also, the couple have ordered their cake and or dessert/late night table based on the number of RSVP’s they received. So if there are no shows, there is food and money wasted.
How do no shows add extra stress for the couple (and or their Wedding Coordinator)? The venue is set up and arranged for a specific number of people and with no shows – there can be gaps in the seating arrangements. Someone I know, recently went to a wedding and 2 couples from a table of 6 were no shows – leaving 4 empty chairs. Due to another couple at a different table not showing as well, there were 2 seats available to which they could fill leaving one table completely empty and another entirely full.
But that’s good then right? Not really – there is now one empty table, and 6 paid for meals that won’t be eaten. But, having an entire table empty is better than having one large table with only 2 people seated at it. The venue staff or your Coordinator can discreetly remove the dishware so that it doesn’t look like the table is still awaiting guests.
So – what do you do if you are the guest who is a no show? You should call the Bride or Groom and leave a voicemail as to why you can’t attend. If you know someone else who is attending the wedding and you don’t want to call the Bride or Groom, relay your message to them so they can give your regards. You should also send a hand written note or email to the couple informing them that you hoped they enjoyed their celebration. As for the gift? If you’re invited to a wedding and you RSVP “yes” but don’t go – you should still give a gift. Mail a card with a cheque, or drop off the card and or gift in person. But, let me stress this – you must extend a gift and a sincere apology for your absence.
No one likes no shows. If you say you’re going to attend a wedding, then do. Weddings are a celebration of two people who wanted you to be a part of it. It’s always an honour to be invited to a wedding – and it would be an honor to the couple if you attended.
*Invitation designed by Jolie Papeterie Boutique
If you don’t have someone you want to help you, or let alone burden with your slight Bridezilla tendencies (we said ‘slight’), we’re available to help you. Our Full Wedding Package provides you with the support, guidance and friendship you need while you plan your big day. We will aid you in making your decisions, save you money and be there for you on the day you say “I do”. I can’t tell you how many times past Brides of ours have told me that they felt so good knowing that we were there to have their back – that we were like a friend.
Who will you turn to when the going gets tough? Give us a call, we’d love to help you stress less.